I was in my room. My house, in the countryside surrounded by big tall trees. In the darkness of the night, which I could feel from my room, I felt as if there was someone trying to get inside through the brown door on my balcony – facing a vast field.
The anxiety was real, I was on the door trying to push and close it with all my strength. And each time I failed by a margin, I could see there was a woman who was trying to get in. I could vaguely see her face, she was wearing the brightest parrot green. Those colors didn’t invoke any fears, but I still felt as if she wanted to harm me. With each passing moment, the force became stronger and I felt more weaker in keeping the door from being opened and to face this woman.
I decided to call my sister and my father. I knew they were having dinner downstairs. I started to call out to them at the top of my voice.
No response!
I tried even more the second time. No response either.
Next moment , I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was my sister – with the calmest face I could have imagined in that moment . I tell her, “I am trying to close the door, there is a woman who is trying to get in” As I talked her, I lost the control of the door and it stood wide open before us.
We were facing an empty balcony.
There was no one! Where did she go, I thought!
I was sure she was there. My sister helped me look around but there were no signs of the women in parrot green.
When I woke up, I could still feel a heaviness from the images that I recalled from my dream. Some memories from my early days moving to that house came back. A house standing on its own with just one another house adjacent to it.
My first memory was the first night I slept there, I imagined there was a man in a long black coat, sun glasses and a hat like you seen in the movies reading a newspaper. Although nothing seemed harmlful for this too, in that moment I was afraid. The second time was when I had a sleep paralysis and I felt someone close who had passed away, standing close to me. Another fear!
One thing common in each situation was the fact that, all those fears looked stronger when I was looking at it from afar. The moment I tried to feel it or touch it, it would disappear.
It feels as though the distance between our fears and ourselves is what decides whether it gets to stay with us. The closer we get, we realize it was all an illusion stopping us from doing things that matters to us.
Fear or Courage gained by crossing over – we never know, what’s on the other side.
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